Right, after tonight, I'm definitely not drinking any more. My bowels have reached a sort of terrible equilibrium, and I fear what will happen once I attempt to break the coffee/booze cycle.

I don't want to eat any more haggis. Especially on a pizza. With black pudding. And cheap, neon cheese.

I was making some field recordings in Newcastle over the weekend. I went to the Baltic gallery for a shit, and it occured to me that I could do a podcast of my shits. Try different toilets, reverbs (the audio effect known as 'slap-back' comes to mind) etc.

But then, I thought, I'd probably end up filming myself shitting, like the Vienna Actionists, and they ended up starting a weird commune, with kids and that.

I saw a car today with its windows smashed in and 'PAEDO' spray painted on the bonnet.

As we drove home from Newcastle, my bandmate suddenly vomited all over himself. It looked like carrots. We stopped at a service station so he could clean himself up and get some water. I went to Macdonald's and bought a muffin and some coffee. In a chiller cabinet at the front, they had their healthy kids options, which included a bag of peeled and chopped carrots.